Never Missing an Opportunity to Miss an Opportunity- Todd Loftin

If you look back at the stats you'll see the disgusting oligarchical trade-off Jake and Todd made for the number 1 and 2 spots. With Jakes small sabatical over last night it was going to be interesting to see if the game would return to the exclusive dance for two we had earlier seen. After all, on Nov 17 Todd scored a coveted double win while Jake was gone. So it wasnt too big of a stretch to assume seeing Loftin and Jake on the field together again last night would turn into a recreation of the Battle of the Somme. Slowly (we're dealing with Todd here), all the players assembled and the games began. But something happened, the battle that was supposed to happen didnt. For Todd, it was his chance to prove his superiority in the standings. For Jake, it was to reclaim a title almost lost to negligence.


But none of that happened. What did happen was Jumpy basically had invited everyone to come watch him roll over the course. There wasnt a battle, as so much as a exposition on Jumpy teaching everyone how you play croquet. By the end of the night Jumpy would get a pretigious double victory title added to his name (Jumpy, victorious doublus), and Todd would do a great impersonation of J-Doh or Kathleen playing after staying up the night before and shot-gunning Old English's. What last night did was several things:

1. Morris' play is very forgettable

2. Todd is like the Arabs, as Dennis Ross said about Arafat "He never misses an opportunity to miss an opportunity". Todd had the chance to establish a dominance over the game, and instead did more than blow it. Looking at the numbers, despite Todd's DV, the rest of the time he hasnt been doing to good to begin with. The opportunity that Todd has to take next time is the one where he doesnt become a unimportant player.

3. Look at Jumpys stats. What tricks you is you see Todd's and Jakes name all over the place, but thats becuase Jumpy has played near as many games. When Jumpy does play however, he nearly always scores at 1 or 2. What last night proved is what no one saw before. The game doesnt belong to Todd or Jake, becuase Jumpy has already bought it.

So in conclusion, when you get the opportunity, croquet the hell out of Jumpy whenever you get the chance from now on.